Chia pudding

Chia seeds used to be a thing you got with some pottery shaped like Joe Biden's head. You watered it, and suddenly you had these green furry pottery items that had no practical use or value. Now, they are a coveted super food that was somehow rediscovered when people noticed Tarahumara Indians running for days with a little pouch of Chia seeds as their main source of nutrition. What's really fun is to take some health conscience coworker's Chia seeds from their lunch and plant them in the cracks of their cubicle. Casually water them for a few days and suddenly they will have a little forest growing to keep them happy. 
Ingredients
  • 2 TBSP of chia seeds (white or black)
  • 1/2 cup of milk (almond, cow, goat, ostrich)
  • 1 tsp honey or other sweetener If desired
  • Fruit for topping
Directions
  1. Add milk to a mason jar (can use regular milk, almond milk, etc.)
  2. Add the chia seeds and sir the seeds and milk together. 
  3. Add a little honey or other sweetener if so desired.
  4. Stir until everything is evenly distributed and there is no clumping.
  5. Cover it and refrigerate for a few hours or overnight (not that helpful if you want to eat it today).
  6. Add some fruit to the top to make it look snazzy and make yourself feel even more healthy. 

don't hassle the hoff

At a photo op in the 90's for Baywatch, some snotty kid was throwing popcorn at David Hasselfhoff trying to get it to stick in his chest hair. The security team asked him to stop, but he didn't and the photo shoot had to be postponed. Afterward, the Hoff found out where the kid lived and had his father's car repossessed. As they towed away his car, the father asked what was going on. In reply, the towing company shouted, "Don't hassle the Hoff". And so a legend was born. Don't hassle the Chia Hoff either.